I've been thinking about sexuality
recently, mainly because I noticed that spirited exchanges was going to do a
newsletter on it. It's been interesting.
What is sexuality? That's a question
and a half. Jo Ind bravely explores it in her book (see review) which I really
enjoyed. Here are some musings, and some “sound-bites” which I have found
helpful, provocative, exciting, challenging and interesting!
Throughout history mystics have used
the metaphor of sexual union to relate their experiences of the divine – so
there is something about this intimacy that speaks of an encounter of our souls
with God.
“To conceptualise God as
the energy that pulsates through the whole cosmos, included me, stirred me… I
saw God as the being who is before all things, the spirit which infuses all
things, the love which longs for all things and which never lets go.”
Jo Ind1
“Intimacy is the touching
of one soul by another. Whenever this happens there is a sexual charge to the
encounter.” Mike Riddell2.
Is this charge, this
stirring – the essence of our sexuality? When we meet another intimately, we
are encountering the sacred, accessing our sexuality, touching the divine. Our
encounter can be physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual, all of these,
more than these.
Sexuality is holistic,
connecting all of our being, body, soul, mind, spirit, heart.
I
like this quote from Ian Lawton3
“I'm now of the view that
one of the primary functions of the church is to accept people in their various
journeys through sexuality. I have come to the view that sexuality is such an
important part of our human experience that to deny someone their sexuality is
to deny them spirit….The church has generally encouraged people to embrace a
pious, otherworldly self that has no passion, no bodily sensation and no
desire. To deny all of the good stuff of flesh is to miss out on a full
experience of spirit..........We are sexual beings. We are gendered beings. We
are people of diverse personality and intelligence and talent. All of this
diversity is to be celebrated"
He also talks of the
lessons we can learn from gays and lesbians in that through their journeys they
often gain a special insight into fully embracing sexuality, and their truest
self. Of course this isn't the exclusive experience of
     “I believe this is a
commandment never to make anything, no matter how good, more important than
God….. to never locate it in the centre of our lives where it doesn't quite
belong. It is very tempting to make an idol out of sex, especially as sex can,
at its best, bring us the nearest many of us get to heaven in this lifetime.
And I think that is precisely what we, as society do…. I think if we burden our
sexualities with such an intolerable weight of expectation then sooner or later
we are going to come unstuck”
      “To love God is to know that God is both
utterly in our sexualities and utterly other than them too. It is to embrace
our sexualities, to say “yes” to them, to dare to plunge in and discover God
through them. It is to also love the God of silence, the God of breath.”
      Â
       “I believe it also includes loving
our neighbour as we love ourselves and it means more than that as well. It
means relishing our capacity to turn on and to be turned on, but at the same
time not identifying with that part of ourselves to such an extent that when we
lose it we wonder who we are or where God has gone.”
Sexuality
is not limited to one part of the body, it permeates the whole of our being; it
is as physical as hunger, mental as arithmetic, unconscious as dreams and as
revealing of our history as a museum. It is the way we reach out to others,
socialising with and perhaps growing in intimacy with them. It speaks of the
deep seated need in each of us for unity with one another. Through bodily
presence we are acceptable to others in ways that are welcoming, tender and
warm. This relatedness with them is based in our sexuality and can only be
freely expressed when we are “at home” with ourselves. We don't become
non-sexual beings if we are not in a sexual relationship and/or our libidos go
to sleep.
What would
a real and holistic approach to sexuality look like? I'm not sure, but I
suspect it would include:
- sex in a loving, kind, consent
giving, committed context
- embracing the intimacy our
sexualities bring to all our friendships, and connections with people and
the world around us
- delighting in ourselves and the
way our sexualities give us a hint of the divine
& so
much more
Here's to
the journey.
1 Jo Ind Memories of Bliss
2 Mike Riddell Sacred
Journey
3 Ian Lawson Sermon: Sins
of Scripture –
  the Bible and Sexuality
  www.christ-community.net