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Sexuality

I've been thinking about sexuality recently, mainly because I noticed that spirited exchanges was going to do a newsletter on it. It's been interesting.

 

What is sexuality? That's a question and a half. Jo Ind bravely explores it in her book (see review) which I really enjoyed. Here are some musings, and some “sound-bites” which I have found helpful, provocative, exciting, challenging and interesting!

 

Throughout history mystics have used the metaphor of sexual union to relate their experiences of the divine – so there is something about this intimacy that speaks of an encounter of our souls with God.

 

“To conceptualise God as the energy that pulsates through the whole cosmos, included me, stirred me… I saw God as the being who is before all things, the spirit which infuses all things, the love which longs for all things and which never lets go.”

Jo Ind1

 

“Intimacy is the touching of one soul by another. Whenever this happens there is a sexual charge to the encounter.” Mike Riddell2.

 

Is this charge, this stirring – the essence of our sexuality? When we meet another intimately, we are encountering the sacred, accessing our sexuality, touching the divine. Our encounter can be physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual, all of these, more than these.

 

Sexuality is holistic, connecting all of our being, body, soul, mind, spirit, heart.

 

It's hardly surprising then that the world, the church and a lot of us are in a mess with the subject of sex and sexuality. It touches our rawness and vulnerability, and drives at the core of who we are – most of us would rather avoid such “issues”, we are masters of avoidance. Thus the world reduces it to a mere appetite – encouraging its use as just another commodity to be had whenever we want, but within this context it also gives it a place of over importance in that it pervades everything we are about – from the ice-cream we buy to the tyres we use. I'd like to reclaim sexuality; it should permeate our lives, and enrich them - in a holistic way.

 

I like this quote from Ian Lawton3

 

“I'm now of the view that one of the primary functions of the church is to accept people in their various journeys through sexuality. I have come to the view that sexuality is such an important part of our human experience that to deny someone their sexuality is to deny them spirit….The church has generally encouraged people to embrace a pious, otherworldly self that has no passion, no bodily sensation and no desire. To deny all of the good stuff of flesh is to miss out on a full experience of spirit..........We are sexual beings. We are gendered beings. We are people of diverse personality and intelligence and talent. All of this diversity is to be celebrated"

 

He also talks of the lessons we can learn from gays and lesbians in that through their journeys they often gain a special insight into fully embracing sexuality, and their truest self. Of course this isn't the exclusive experience of homosexuals but it makes the point that it's our life experience and our engagement with it that heightens our knowledge, understanding, acceptance, and love of ourselves. This speaks to me of integrity, of being real, of how I might live my life in relation to myself and others and reminds me that Jesus said to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind. Jo Ind talks quite a lot about this commandment.

 

      “I believe this is a commandment never to make anything, no matter how good, more important than God….. to never locate it in the centre of our lives where it doesn't quite belong. It is very tempting to make an idol out of sex, especially as sex can, at its best, bring us the nearest many of us get to heaven in this lifetime. And I think that is precisely what we, as society do…. I think if we burden our sexualities with such an intolerable weight of expectation then sooner or later we are going to come unstuck”

 

       “To love God is to know that God is both utterly in our sexualities and utterly other than them too. It is to embrace our sexualities, to say “yes” to them, to dare to plunge in and discover God through them. It is to also love the God of silence, the God of breath.”

       

        “I believe it also includes loving our neighbour as we love ourselves and it means more than that as well. It means relishing our capacity to turn on and to be turned on, but at the same time not identifying with that part of ourselves to such an extent that when we lose it we wonder who we are or where God has gone.”

 

Sexuality is not limited to one part of the body, it permeates the whole of our being; it is as physical as hunger, mental as arithmetic, unconscious as dreams and as revealing of our history as a museum. It is the way we reach out to others, socialising with and perhaps growing in intimacy with them. It speaks of the deep seated need in each of us for unity with one another. Through bodily presence we are acceptable to others in ways that are welcoming, tender and warm. This relatedness with them is based in our sexuality and can only be freely expressed when we are “at home” with ourselves. We don't become non-sexual beings if we are not in a sexual relationship and/or our libidos go to sleep.

 

What would a real and holistic approach to sexuality look like? I'm not sure, but I suspect it would include:

 

  • sex in a loving, kind, consent giving, committed context
  • embracing the intimacy our sexualities bring to all our friendships, and connections with people and the world around us
  • delighting in ourselves and the way our sexualities give us a hint of the divine

 

& so much more

 

Here's to the journey.

 

1 Jo Ind Memories of Bliss

2 Mike Riddell Sacred Journey

3 Ian Lawson Sermon: Sins of Scripture –

   the Bible and Sexuality

   www.christ-community.net

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