Hi,
I see divorce as not a piece of paper that says your marriage is over but the situation that exists when both partners in a marriage or relationship aren't actively trying to make it work for the benefit of them both.

Hi, everyone,

Regarding predestination - I think of this as God seeing what will happen in the future from the beginning, since he is at the beginning at at the end simultaneously. So, when he sets up a certain course of action with Jesus coming, God sees ahead to who will respond to Christ and who will not - hence, from God's perspective it is 'predestined' who will follow him. However, this in no way detracts from our own choice which has power to determine our eternal fate.

The entire Bible is based on the premise that we have choice as well as the reality that God is in control - and this is how I bring those two realities together.

Regarding prayer - I saw an interesting article on Close Up about Bill Subritzky and Faith Healing recently. A woman expressed her scepticism about prayer by pointing out that everyone who died in the Titanic would have prayed for God to deliver them, not just those who were saved. True enough. But the point is that how God answers prayer is actually God's choice - he is, after all (assuming we agree he exists) a person too. In fact, he is more than a person - he is God. If this is the case, then there must be a multitude of issues that he takes into account in how he responds. I have never looked to response to prayer (in material provision, anyhow) as evidence for or against God - rather, to me the issue of his existence is better debated around the evidence for the resurrection of Christ and hence the authority of Christ's words.

Ruth - regarding divorce, I feel sorrow for you. I'm sorry that your first marriage ended, and I think your grief is entirely appropriate. I think the marriage covenant is something that means very different things for different people depending on how it is applied - it was orginally given to us to be lifelong, and how far we have fallen from this intention. I hope for God's healing and restoration for you.

Anton - I think I agree with what you're saying: divorce is something that can happen in the heart well before it happens in writing.

Hello Ruth,

Peace to you. Rest in the knowledge that we cannot always do the right thing at the right time in the right way. It's part of being human. But having said that, I'm sure you did what you believed to be the best at the time. That is really all that can take place. Were you acting irresponsibly prior to the divorce? Were you unkind, unfeeling and bitter? Were you delibaretly working to make things as hard and as awful with your ex husband? I some how doubt you were any of these things. So please be kind to yourself in looking back. "Giving over to God" could also be phrased as "Giving up. Letting God do what only he can do." This releases you from feeling you have to fix things. Sometimes we may be able to " fix things ". But often we can't. God has to step in through people and circumstances and do the fixing. And if the separation and eventual divorce were part of his work, then we have to come and accept that, though I don't say that flippantly. It is hard. It is severe, but it is often the way of love for both concerned.

I'm not quite sure if your divorce was recently or awhile ago, but grief has a way of revisiting us. And I do understand, for I am also in a grieving situation over my own divorce, which took effect 22 January. I grieve the good times, the excellent family times we had for 20 years, that I'm not right on the spot now with my sons (youngest is 12), and lots more besides. But I have been going round in the grief cycle and have come to realise that I am stuck in it! That can happen, and often requires help from an outside party to enable us to see why we're stuck and how to move on. In time we have to move out of the grief, otherwise I believe we stay in a destructive pattern of either self blame and guilt, or bitterness, anger and blaming, or depression and self pity. None are very good for us!

With all this remember that God does not judge you. He does not stand there pointing his finger at you because you "didn't do quite enough" and thus you are to blame. Not at all. And if he isn't doing that, then you don't need to do it either. You can relax! Rest back in that knowledge and in the fact that you are loved...tremendously loved by Him (and Her!) God is so much more than we often realise and I think the traits of mercy, grace, acceptance and love are some of those traits we so often forget, when we think that maybe we have "done bad".

If you can do some hard thinking, pinpoint what you are feeling/thinking and where you're at in regards to the divorce, then try and think outside yourself in gaining some proper perspective ( or sit with someone, a professional
psychologist or psychotherapist if need be) to help you with the process. This outside perspective is sometimes all we need. And in the midst of all that God can come to do the healing and freeing that you and he both want for you.

Get someone to give you a lot of hugs and affirmation too. I have this from various friends and it helps breakdown the negative thoughts I very easily swim around in sometimes!

Shalom...rest...experience Joy...experience God and his love
Stephen.